Potty training twins has been one of the most challenging parts of parenting I’ve done to date. The hard truth is, all of that had to do with me.
On the upside, I experienced a handful of teachable moments worth sharing, most of which happened on day one.
For the purpose of this post, day 1 means the first 24 hours. This was post-nap Thursday to post-nap Friday.
MISTAKE #1: WAITING TOO LONG TO START
The age at which you should start potty training twins (or kids in general) is a controversial topic. These days, the longer a child is in diapers, the less acceptable that is.
The newly accepted “sweet spot” for potty training toddlers these days is now between 22 and 30 months, give or take a few months, depending on the method.
I bought a floor potty for the boys’ bathroom shortly before they turned two. We started having them sit on it before bath since they were already naked. Sometimes they’d pee and we’d make a big deal of it but we weren’t pushing it.
Then we decided to sell our house. I didn’t want to add potty training twins to an already stressful situation.
So we waited and kept adding more excuses.
First, it was waiting for them to adjust to the new house, then the school year ended, and then summer school started which was a new schedule. Last was our big trip to Disneyland and we didn’t want to complicate a trip that was already going to be difficult.
Before I knew it, the boys were 30 months (or two-and-a-half as I say because we stopped counting by months after their second birthday), and we were just starting.
I’m not saying I waited too long due to their age because that’s a number, not a developmental marker. My mistake had more to do with my unwillingness to commit when I saw the signs of readiness.
MISTAKE #2: NOT ACTUALLY BEING PREPARED TO START POTTY TRAINING TWINS
Contemplating potty training for over a year, you would think I would be more prepared when we actually decided to do it.
I had no plan, method, or idea what I would do, but I had supplies!
Training seats were set up on multiple toilets to allow the boys to get on and off the toilet independently. The floor potty was relocated to the back of the car for emergencies.
Training undies were already washed and ready to use. We thought pull-ups was a step in the right direction (because undies-like), but rarely were they getting them off and on themselves, and often we changed them like a diaper.
Not long into that first day, it became clear that the wishy-washy, sometimes we go in the potty and sometimes we don’t have to approach we had been taking was setting us up in the wrong way.
MISTAKE #3: TAKING THE COLD TURKEY APPROACH
A little backstory: my hand was forced to start potty training. I received a message from the boys’ school that they were going to enforce the “No Pull-Ups Policy,” and from now on I needed to send diapers until we decided to start toilet learning.
I had just ordered a box of pull-ups with the intention of it being the last one, and I was not about to purchase more diapers for the sole purpose of sending them to school. We had already talked to the boys about the pull-ups being for “big boys” (I know, I know, in hindsight I would have skipped the pull-ups) so going back to diapers seemed a step in the wrong direction.
As a response, I decided that we would be in full potty training mode after the boys got up from nap that Thursday. That would give me 3.5 days before they were back in school again.
Note: I’m very grateful to have such support from the teachers at the boys’ school, especially when potty training twins. They encourage and are fully involved in potty training the toddlers in their care, which is such a rare thing. That being said, I felt a little backed into a corner on timing, which is totally my junk but it is what it is.
MISTAKE #4: SKIPPING STEPS THINKING IT WILL ALL JUST WORK OUT
Since the boys were so familiar with using the potty, I figured we would ditch the diapers cold turkey. They had to know where pee and poop are supposed to go, right?
Wrong!
I got the boys up from their nap, and I put them in their training underwear after using the potty.
We had a big talk about the difference between a pull-up/diaper and underwear, that pee and poop go in the potty, that they should tell me when they needed to go, and I was here to help them.
They both peed and pooped in their underwear in short order, but man, were they adorable in their little underoos.
MISTAKE #5: NOT CHOOSING A METHOD AND STICKING WITH IT
I’ll be honest, I did very little research on methods of potty training twins. I thought we were in the long-term, casual, natural progression method.
Spoiler alert, that’s not a thing.
After pulling the rug out, I began to see the flaw in my logic and fell into a Pinterest vortex.
There were so many pins about potty training twins in three days. Though that was the time I had before the boys returned to school, my expectations were low for having fully potty trained toddlers in a weekend.
I read some of the articles but they mostly used extreme measures like excessive liquids and over prompting, or rewards. One family actually camped out in the bathroom for a day and a half. They called it a “Potty Party.”
Zero judgement, but not the answer I was looking for.
Then I stumbled upon a blog post by a fellow twin mama who also aligned somewhat with the Montessori ideology. She used the book “Oh Crap! Potty Training” by Jamie Glowacki as her guide. This book was already on my radar, so it seemed like fate.
I’m not going to go into the nitty-gritty of the book right now but be on the lookout for all the details in a later post. In the meantime, you can pick up the book HERE.
The book breaks up potty training into blocks, each one building off the skills learned in the previous one. There is no set timeframe for mastering each block, only recommendations or averages.
Potty training is NOT a sprint; it’s a marathon.
My hiccup came in block two, going commando. The book recommends staying in this block for up to a month before moving on (block 3 is underwear). There is more that goes into this block other than just free-ballin’ it, but as I said, the book deserves its own post.
In a nutshell, commando is a no-go at school, which I respect. There is not a lot (if any) mess containment should an accident occur. With other children to consider, I understand.
So by Monday, they would need to be back in training underwear, essentially rushing or skipping block 2.
MISTAKE #6: NOT HAVING REINFORCEMENTS
The logistics of potty training twins is tricky. You’re one person; they’re two. The math doesn’t math.
Hopefully you have at least one additional person assisting you through this process. I made the mistake of starting on a day when I didn’t.
That first full day was a disaster.
By naptime, I had already scrubbed my couch, mopped pee off the bathroom floor several times, and done multiple loads of laundry.
While preparing the boys’ lunch, I sobbed. I felt like this was my biggest mistake as a mother, and I was a total failure.
Only I wasn’t a failure; I just needed another pair of hands.
Twin parents need to run the man-to-man play. Zone defense can be done, but it’s not the most effective way.
MISTAKE #7: PUTTING TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON EVERYONE
So, what’s the most frustrating thing about potty training twins? The back and forth.
One minute you’re in the bathroom celebrating a job well done, and the next, you’re cleaning up pee off the kitchen floor. You know they can do it. You know they know they can do it.
So why don’t they?!
Pressure.
I was so preoccupied with trying to preemptively strike an accident that I made them anxious about going at all. I hovered, over-prompted, and did everything I could to get the boys onto the potty and stay there.
All of that only made them want to go even less.
By day 2, no one wanted to go when prompted. Greyson refused to even sit on the toilet and if I could get him to sit, he still wouldn’t release. It got to the point that he held it so long the dam broke and he would have an accident.
Rather than go to the bathroom, Greyson would prance back and forth on his tiptoes, whining and asking me to hold him. It was heartbreaking to watch because I knew exactly what he needed to do.
When it comes to potty training twins, it will be a sh*t time (pun intended).
Every mom knows at least one other mom who swears their kid is a potty-training savant who just self-trained in one day. The fact is, the likelihood of that happening is very slim, and the possibility of you having two is slimmer.
So strap in, ’cause mama, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Hopefully, you can learn from my missteps and not make the same ones I did. Though you’re likely to find some of your own, and that’s okay!
