“I’m not undermining you. I just disagree with everything you’re saying.”
Tim Allen as Mike Baxter in Last Man Standing
If you don’t think Last Man Standing is one of the best sitcoms ever made then I’m not your people and you should just stop reading this blog.
Feeling triggered already?
I don’t actually mean that and I only said it to make a point so please, don’t stop reading! *insert apologetic smiley face here*
I’ve been seeing more and more social media content using similarly phrased “hooks” claiming that if their opinion/belief is offensive to you, then you should just keep scrolling.
Recently, I had a friend make such an online declaration. The worst part was, I disagreed with what she posted. Rather than feeling triggered, it left me feeling really confused, uncomfortable. and sad.
Did she really mean we can’t be friends? Should I unfriend her now? I didn’t want to stop being her friend just because we are on opposite sides of a forefront moral issue.
Thankfully it ended up being a non-issue and we’re still friends but it definitely got me thinking.
In a time where just being yourself can be considered offensive, at what point should we be expected to compromise who we are and go along to get along?
There are plenty of hot button issues these days on which to form an opinion. Everyone has a hill they’re willing to die on (sometimes several) and we’re all looking to recruit like-minded individuals to our cause. We’re also campaigning to convert the opposing side.
That is until we realize they won’t give in and therefore give up, deeming them the enemy.
We’re all yelling at the top of our lungs and rather than listen we just get louder to the point no one is hearing anything but noise.
The irony of it all is that we’re all screaming at each other for the same thing, acceptance.
Unfortunately these days the only acceptable way to accept someone is to agree with them, it seems.
I don’t know about you, but I can accept that someone else has a different point of view without agreeing with it. Disagreement doesn’t always come from a negative place.
Then are we just becoming entitled?
That’s the thing about perspective, whatever yours is, is “your truth,” and that truth is valid regardless of whether or not it conflicts with someone else’s.
According to society’s new rules, that is.
In the name of defending “our truth” it’s become acceptable to do a myriad of awful things. Things like use derogatory or inflammatory language, ostracize or exclude entire groups of people, and even use or incite violence against people who disagree with us.
We also just start weeding out those that don’t share our truth and disregard them as irrelevant, wrong, and not worth our time. Because they don’t share our opinion on a certain issue or issues they no longer have anything to contribute to a friendship.
In an age of all feelings are valid and everyone is free to live their truth, it gets dicey trying to navigate the line between political correctness and just plain old correctness.
Where does “our truth” end and the actual truth begin?
As human beings, our moral standards and core values are primarily based on our religious beliefs, this includes not having religious beliefs. At the end of the day whether or not you believe in a higher power dictates how you form opinions on today’s polarizing topics.
Take marriage as an example. From a biblical perspective only men and women should marry which has now been deemed as “traditional marriage.” Non-Christians tend to have a more liberal perspective.
Speaking in a those who believe in God versus those who don’t simplification, that is. I recognize that there are many forms of spirituality and religion, as well those who choose not to believe in anything at all.
All of us feel that what we believe is the truth, nothing but the truth, so help us…
So what are we to do?
If we ended friendships over every disagreement we wouldn’t have any friends.
My two cents? Pick your hill – with intention.
To deny that we have core beliefs that trigger us into a passionate frenzy would be naïve. I would just caution you to limit them to what you are willing to forgo a friendship over.
Maybe I’m on an island, but spending my life being offended by everyone and everything sounds like a terrible way to live. Niching down my inner circle to only the people who think like me sounds pretty boring too.
Personally, I enjoy a good intellectual sparring between friends. If you go in not expecting to end the conversation with someone being converted it can be a fun challenge.
Can we just agree to disagree?
The irony of this entire post is that it’s intended to make you feel some type of way.
By sharing my opinion about having an opinion you form an opinion about me having an opinion about opinions.
But does that mean we can’t still be friends?