Full disclosure: This is NOT a post about potty training twins in X number of days because that has not been my experience.
Even after potty training for 2 weeks, I didn’t consider my boys fully potty trained. They used the toilet regularly and didn’t wear diapers during the day, but I was still actively thinking and worrying about accidents.
The first few days of potty training are the hardest. Not only are your twins re-learning where their waste goes, but you’re also learning to help them effectively help them. It’s like the blind leading the blind if you’re a first-time mom with no experience in this area.
Mistakes will be made, mostly on your part (I hear ya, hard pill, but it doesn’t make it any less true). However, mistakes are just learning opportunities, and these are mine.
#1: CASUAL POTTY TRAINING IS NOT A THING
My sons have been enrolled in a Montessori preschool since they were 18 months old. Their school has all the students sit on the potty just before snack time each day, regardless of whether or not they are actively potty training at home.
Once the school reported that the boys were producing, I purchased a floor potty for our house.
I began by having them sit before bath time since they were already naked. Once the boys accepted sitting on the potty as part of our routine, more scheduled sits were added until we sat before sleeping and after waking.
This continued for almost a year without us actually starting the potty training process.
WHAT I LEARNED
Prolonged casual exposure to the potty can be counter-productive and cause confusion when it comes time to start potty training.
Once we pulled the trigger, the pressure to now use the potty ALL THE TIME sparked anxiety. The boys began resisting using the toilet altogether, even at times they used it without issue before.
It’s fine to build in regular potty times throughout the day. If you find yourself wanting to add more, it might be time to ditch the diapers altogether.
#2 DON’T PUT THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE
The boys woke up from their nap on day 1, and rather than put them in a new pull-up, they went straight into training underwear. There was a brief rundown of “we don’t go potty in our underwear,” and we went on about our evening.
They had no issues putting on the new underwear, but they didn’t understand the significance.
I thought they would fall in line because they had experience using the toilet. Instead, we had a few accidents in our underpants with little to no success in the bathroom.
WHAT I LEARNED
Setting toddlers up for success from the beginning is vital. They need as many wins as possible to build confidence and aim them in the right direction.
Even if you stay neutral during an accident, your toddler knows you aren’t pleased he made an oopsie. Letting you down is the worst-case scenario for tots.
I should have used the extra time to prep the boys by talking more in-depth about potty training and laying out the new expectations.
#3 DON’T ASK QUESTIONS YOU DON’T WANT THE ANSWERS TO
Want to know a toddler’s favorite word? No.
It’s hard to resist the urge to ask your toddler if they need to use the loo. The question flows naturally after you notice them dancing about or standing uncharacteristically still. It’s traditionally followed up with a resounding “no,” and you wiping up pee.
They don’t understand the significance of a preemptive strike and will dig their heels in.
You also put yourself in a paradox. On the one hand, you allow your toddler to choose, and you must respect that choice. On the other, you know they need to use the bathroom.
So the battle begins.
WHAT I LEARNED
Don’t ask, do tell.
Instead of asking, “do you need to use the potty?” In a firm, clear tone, tell them it’s time to go and gently lead the way.
Eliminating the question is not going to stop the battle. If they don’t want to go, they won’t go. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink as they say.
This leads me to my next point.
#4 DON’T OVERREACT, BUT IT’S NOT OKAY
What’s your go-to move when you see your toddler upset? You want to tell them, “it’s okay,”
You’re going to need to forget that phrase for the sake of potty training.
You may mean, “it’s okay you had an accident” because you know they’re learning, but your toddler hears, “it’s okay to pee on the floor.”
If you had observed me in those first few days, you would have seen a boy telling me he was peeing, me jumping up, running over, grabbing him up under his armpits, and carrying him hurriedly to the bathroom, saying, “it’s okay.”
When we got to the toilet, no one wanted to pee because they weren’t even sure what was happening.
I had such a hard time with this and overcompensated by reacting in more of a panic than a controlled demeanor.
Staying calm is crucial, and your ability to do that will ebb and flow daily or minute to minute. Instead of “it’s okay,” try “Oh! It looks like we had an accident. Pee (and/or poop) goes in the potty,” and take them calmly to sit on the toilet.
They likely won’t have much else to contribute, but it’s good practice.
WHAT I LEARNED
Panic doesn’t stop the pee, first of all. It’s either happening or already happened, so clean-up is in your future. No sense getting worked up and getting your toddlers worked up about it.
Second, you’re going to slip and say, “it’s okay,” but you can recover. Toddlers are smart, and I had several conversations that started with, “it’s not okay to pee on the floor, but accidents happen because you’re learning. It is okay to be upset that you had an accident but know mommy still loves you no matter what.”
Third, be yourself. I know I laid out a couple of sample dialogues that sound frightfully saccharine and even edging on phony. I get it. If that’s not how you talk, make it your own.
Ultimately, they need to know pee and poop go in the toilet and that mommy loves them no matter what. However, you get that across is perfect.
#5 TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN EACH TWIN’S UNIQUE POTTY TELLS
You may think you know everything there is to know about your twins, but then you start potty training.
Your duo has been doing their business for some time now without thinking much about it. They may have started to find an isolated place to do number two, but I doubt peeing hit their radar in diapers.
Without the safety net of the diaper, they’re going to start recognizing what the feeling of having to pee is and react in their own individual ways.
It could be a dance of sorts, or they may grab themselves. Some toddlers get hyperactive while others are stopped dead in their tracks. They also may have separate tells for pee and poop.
WHAT I LEARNED
To successfully learn your toddler’s “potty dance,” you need to open yourself up to an accident. You can’t be helicoptering and asking them every 45 seconds if they need to pee (or poop). They’ll always say “no” (see #3).
You also need them to be in full birthday suits. Naked from the waist down is okay after you’ve identified their tell, but long t-shirts or dresses can get in the way.
#6 ACCEPT THAT ACCIDENTS ARE JUST GOING TO HAPPEN
Unless you have a pair of potty training savants on your hands, you’ll end up cleaning up pee or dumping poop out of underwear at some point. No amount of hovering, excessive prompting, sitting on the toilet, or lengthy discussions will stop them.
They’re learning.
I know scrubbing carpets and dunking soiled undies in the toilet is not a ideal way to spend your day, but it’s temporary. The ends certainly justify the means when it comes to potty training twins.
WHAT I LEARNED
There may not be as many accidents as you think.
You read about those first few days of potty training like you’re going to be mopping something up constantly. They recommend buying paper towels in bulk and having all your cleaning supplies ready.
Yes, accidents occur, but they aren’t flash floods or mudslides, nor are they constantly happening.
#7 TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF
Pressure will be your number one obstacle in anything having to do with your toddlers. The more pressure you apply, the more they resist, and that’s true with anything.
I was set to start potty training on a Friday and thought I needed the boys to be mostly trained by the following Monday. Browsing Pinterest, you see dozens of articles about potty training in 3 days, so it can’t be that hard, right?
Putting a timer on it made me more anxious, hypervigilant, and feeling defeated by the tiniest setback. That made my boys feel pressured and want to resist the process.
WHAT I LEARNED
You want this to be over before it even begins; I get that. However, setting a time limit on how fast you think you need to get this done only adds an extra layer you don’t need.
Can you potty train a toddler in a couple of weeks? Yes. How about 3 days? Probably. A day? Possible, but not likely.
It will take as long as it’s going to take, and that’s just the right amount of time.
#8 PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and potty training twins isn’t going to happen that quickly either. It will feel like two steps forward, one step back, or even one step forward, two steps back.
That first two days back to school after we started potty training were perfect. The boys both used the potty at school and had zero accidents. On that third day, though, Deacon pooped his pants and then again the following day.
I didn’t realize that those first two days, Deacon had woken up with poop in his pull-up (daddy does morning wake-ups), so he had already done his morning business.
After thinking more about it, I realized Deacon hadn’t pooped in the toilet that weekend. He’d had several poop accidents or gone while sleeping but wasn’t having success making it in the bathroom.
WHAT I LEARNED
It’s okay to go back a step to ensure it’s mastered.
Once we realized Deacon wasn’t as aware of how it felt to need to poop as we thought, we worked on that, and since then he has self-initiated and successfully used the toilet to poop on his own.
Potty training isn’t linear and will not be perfect every day. Celebrate the little victories and move on quickly from the mistakes.
#9 SYNCHRONIZED TWINNING DOES NOT APPLY TO POTTY TRAINING
As a mom who sacrificed a lot to get her twins on the same schedule, I know the value of running in tandem. You also hope they simultaneously meet milestones.
I hedged my bets on Greyson getting the hang of potty training first. He was the first to be interested and has had the most success using the potty for longer. I was wrong.
Initially, it seemed Deacon was getting the hang of things faster as Greyson resisted even sitting on the potty. Greyson knew the feeling of needing to go potty (both #1 and #2) much sooner than Deacon.
WHAT I LEARNED
The “do for one as you do the other” idea does not apply to potty training. It may have seemed like your twins were on the same waste management plan as babies, but they’re probably not by toddlerhood.
Setting up scheduled “potty breaks” is still a good idea but don’t expect them both to take advantage of them every time. You also may have them sit and then, 15 minutes later, see a potty dance.
#10 LET GO AND LET TODDLER
A fair amount of time was spent bargaining, begging, and battling my twins to go to the bathroom.
It’s frustrating knowing your toddler NEEDS to go but is just being stubborn.
Greyson would go so long that he couldn’t hold it anymore and have an accident. His tell became needing me to hold him so he could be comforted while he held it.
He would tell me he wanted to go, and we’d go. He’d sit for a split second and pop right up and say, “done,” having done nothing. We would repeat this upwards of 10 times.
It wouldn’t matter how much I tried to explain how much better he would feel if he just went pee; he refused to go until it was the 11th hour, and the dam could hold no more.
WHAT I LEARNED
Giving up control is hard, but it’s what is needed. Trust your toddlers.
Even if I get my boys on the toilet, I can’t make them use it. That’s on them, and the more I try to convince them, the more they resist.
So I stopped.
Greyson would do his dance and ask me to hold him. Instead of giving in, I would calmly say, “It looks like what you really need is to use the potty. It’s right there. You know what to do, and I’ll let you decide.”
At first, I was met with panicked hysteria, but eventually, he got the memo.
There is so much more than these 10 things that I can share about my experience with potty training twins. You can probably dial it down to number 10, trusting your toddlers.
After the first few days, your toddlers know the drill but will still test its limits. It’s in their nature and how they learn. At some point, you have to trust that you’ve done the heavy lifting and it’s time to hand it over.
They can handle it, I promise.
